Breakup

So I am going through a breakup? I don't know what it is. right now we are "dating" which means I am missing him and wondering what he is doing while he is chillen with god knows who. Well I know who. One is a girl named Kaitlyn that he swears is just a friend. Writing that gives me chills then I think she can't be better than me. Besides my psychic friend who really is the truth swears they dont last. None of THEM. Them, more than one, last. I want him to come home, more than anything I dont want to be here alone. I hate being in this apartment alone. Every now and then the pain will dull and I will look up and remember he isn't here and it will come back sharp and encompassing. I miss him. His laugh, his jokes and his skin. I hate this. This sucks. But he will come back home. The grass is never greener. Never. And so while he sleeps on an air matress and hangs out, I will be here waiting for him to come to his senses. This is his home and you know how the song goes. Who says you cant go home. I may be pissed and it may take me a while to forgive him but I will let him come back. Another part of me wonders if I am deluding myself. What if he never wants to come home, what if i don't let him. What if I do and then I spend my days waiting for the other shoe to drop, then decide I can't do this. What if i catch him out there with someone else. That I can't deal with. But here is the thing. he will ask to come home. He will want to. He will decide he made a mistake and he loves me and he wants an us. He will feel it deep down. He will call me and I may even let him. The next question is what then?????
That aside I miss me. The old me. The one who loved herself, respected herself. I don't want to jinx anything with my thoughts or words here, once you out it out into the universe it is out there. In about 10 days something will change. He will change. His thoughts, his actions. In about 20 days I will be 25. This is not where I thought I would be or who I thought I would be. Or be with. Alone. All alone. In this huge apartment, with everything i thought I wanted. I want him. To want me. To love me, to be in love with me, to believe it can work if we just work at it. I know he will. But sersiously all this talk of him has me asking what about you?? What about me? remember you? You are a person with needs and wants and yeah you have shit to work on but seriously you don't deserve this. I don't want to jinx it but saying fuck him, but fuck him for making me feel this way and fuck him for doing this. Fuck hom for moving his clothes out while I was at WORK! Yeah fuck him. That doesnt mean I don't love him or want him to come home. It means my heart is getting a little stronger and while it doesnt mean the door is closed, its not as wide open as it was a week ago even if it isn't shut. He just needs to hurry up and come to his senses. Becuase judging by my calling him 4 and 5 times in a row and coming up with brilliant yet made up excuses to talk to him and asking him to come over, over and over again is something i can't deal with. And I dont want to date anyone else. Even if he is out there, thats not the road I want to take, not when I gave him my word I wouldn't. And that would make it too real. I need to live here, in we will get back together land for a little longer. I'm tired. Going to bed, to wake up alone. This sucks but I can do it. I did it last night. And yeah I am little more scared but whatev, I will be okay. I will be okay.

Clueless

I had no idea. Seriously. When I checked this page my blog, I really didn't know the last time I had posted was in APRIL! really. truly. Sorry to my 2 or 3 readers. My aol inbox has 1000 messgaes I'm wading through and I am working like crazy. I'm talking 12 hour days. And I really might shut it down for a while. And then bring it back up using twitter or something. But I'm good. The mister is fine and life is great (knock on wood) Love you all but escpecially jali, tracey and david. And I'm lurking so keep writing. Kisses

Me and Three

Three jobs I have had:
Camp Counselor
Secretary
Burger King Drive Thru girl

My top three mass brands:
Old Navy
H&M
Target Go International

Three most $$$ items in my closet:Honestly? Things like my hand me down bridesmaid dress I wore to the prom, my on sale nine west strappy gold stilettos (very yummy) and my swiss army watch given to me by my mom after my high school graduation.
I am a sale/ clearance queen! Nothing is that pricey.


Three places I'd like to visit:Greece
Italy
Spain

Three obsessions other than fashion:
Cooking
Blogs
FOOD!!!


Three people who email me (almost) everyday:Change email to text
My siste Jasmine
The mister
My girl Kyisha

K.I.S.S.

Why oh why are decisions so hard to make? Why can't all my choices be predecided for me so I can just float through life?? I was offered another postion at my job in (get this) the next department!!! Like 2 feet away. It would be more money but less work. My work now is so much fun, challenging and I get to "be" the boss. I am number one in my department which came with a combo of my sales numbers and my having the most senority, with my 6 months. (eye rolling, ha) My boss is very lenient and chill, but I know in my heart she is trying to sabotage me. More on that later. So the manager in the next department offers me a job, but I'm friends with her, with them. In fact my closest friend is number one there. Working in a competitive envirornment with your closest friends doesn't seem like the best idea. But... I think I will just be able to relax. Not stress so much? Or will I stress more? I have finally gotten girlfriends and I don't want to lose the friendship by being super agressive. But I also dont want to become resentful because I'm acting too nice. What the fuck? In the end does money top everything?? Its like an extra 300 a paycheck. Thats a car payment. I would be stupid not to take it. Less work, more money? Why does this seem like the wrong decision? I dunno. Either way I've been saying I accepted it. So tomorrow I have to tell HR. By the way how is my manager going to react?? I mean, I am number one. (eye rolling)

Someone tell me what to do!!!!

Mother knows best

My mom is like me…usually right. About everything. Even things we have no idea about. Yup. Even in my most ignorant state, yapping about things I really don’t comprehend, my educated guess is usually on point. Oh yeah, that’s the kind of stuff I tell myself. All. The. Time. So you can imagine when me and my mom butt heads. It’s never a screaming match. Mostly me being unbearably sarcastic until she yells in frustration then I laugh and say something like its hard to be wrong, isn’t it? We usually call a tie since no one ever gives in. Well our longest fight has been over hair damage. She insists that dyeing my hair various shades of red was the reason it was constantly damaged and forever short. I of course reminded her that this was not the 70s and hair dye had morphed into a nourishing necessity. How else was I supposed to have luminious skin and standout eyes? My dye made me look a la Latina. Chic and sassy. Not to mention my highlights. Sun kissed. Well, well, well. This summer I decided not to dye. I’d give my hair a break and come fall I would be all over the Feria. September came and went and I couldn't. Winter is cold and no one would see it I reasoned. Now it's april and I'm facing the truth. I have never looked better. My hair is luminious, shiny, healthy and most of all… Its long! Past my shoulders. I have pony tail hang time. The longest its ever been. And since I am light as all get out the black hair is making my skin luminious and my eyes sparkle. Wow. Mom 1.
PS. My secret can’t live without it hair product is Ellin Lavar Hair Oil. I keep it on my bathroom counter and use it like lotion. And it never builds up or not works. One minute my hair is dry and flat, the next shiny and bouncy. And I swear it brings out curls! So I gave a bottle to my mom. Sort of a victory gift. She may have been right but I definitely won.

Lash Out

So instead of attending any of the events I was invited to last night me and my cramps decided to stay home and play in the mirror. I brought some false eyelashes so tonight was the night...they were going to make me a woman. (sorry betty davis humour) It was not as easy as I had hoped. I sorta got them on and was in love, it was in the quest to perfect them that they perfected in pissing me off. So I did what any girl who is not drunk nor high on anything but her own determination would do when she wants, no excuse me, is determined to get man killing eyes at 2 am. I saw scissors and started to cut my hair. Instead of a disater I now have crazy cute piecey bangs and layers in the front. The trick? Holding the scissors up and down, vertical and cutting the same way, piece by piece. That and black eyeliner. Upon seeing my eyepopping cuteness from my salon quality trim and since this epsiode started at 11pm I knew it was time to go to bed when I seriously contemplated giving myself a bob. Lashes make a girl crazy.

Advil? Nope. H&M.

I am a monster bitch when I pms. Monster. Today I actually contemplated calling my boss and letting her know what I think of her. No, not in a-I am happy to be employed in this turbulent economic time- kind of way, it was more of a-bitch are you crazy, you think you are slick but I know exactly what game you are playing- kind of way. Oh yeah monster bitch. Everything is wrong, everyone is ugly and I am looking for a fight. Know what I found? The most perfect jacket ever. Black, sleek, cottony yet firm. Big silver snaps with a zipper and a high collar. It looks damn cute, the kind of thing I would wear if I were a rich hip young mom living on the island, picking up my twin middle school kids. Wearable, effortless chic. What am I doing now? About to take a bath, eat some chocolate, and go to work and have a rational discussion with my boss about my concerns. And they say shopping therapy is a joke.

Soon

Back to your reguarly scheduled program.